In yoga, finding your edge is getting to that sweet spot between "Totes easy! I can pose like this all day." and "AHH! Curse you, demon person of an instructor! When will it end!" It's that point where you could easily fall head first on to the floor, but could just as easily reach a point past where you have been before in your life. The edge, an insightful instructor once told me, is where we're meant to live because it's where you stare into the mirror and really see yourself staring back.
This year with all of its pain and loss, has been one of finding the edge. The edge of loving and leaving, the edge of kindness and carelessness, the edge of life and death. I remember once saying out loud that I wanted to know if I could swim through every tide and, after this year, I know I can.
The hardest part of the edge? Courage. You need to have courage to go forward when bad things happen, to leave things that don't serve you anymore, and to live without a 5-year plan for a bit. As a person who likes order in my life, this year has been an exercise in letting go and I'm glad to have to opportunity to experience it. I have "white knuckled" life for so so long that I almost forgot what it felt like to just enjoy the ride.
I resolve to enjoy my edge and to live with the contentment of knowing I can care for myself even through the worst of time. And I can care for others too. And I can let others care for me. I'm not perfect, nothing is, but I am here, I'm present and I'm ready. Allons-y!